Negative Emotions are Warning Lights

Emotional Intelligence / Judgment / Self-care

Negative Emotions are Warning Lights: It’s Best Not to Ignore Them

For so many of us, when we encounter a negative emotion, we do one of two things: avoid them or resist them. This fight or flight response is natural, but you won’t get the result you’re looking for: to feel better. 

Negative emotions exist for a reason, and if we listen, we can learn from them.

There are four core negative emotions: fear, anger, guilt, and sadness. Each of these serves a purpose.

  • Fear is a means of self-protection
  • Anger is born out of love of self or others
  • Guilt helps you decide who you are
  • Sadness and grief help you remember your vulnerability

    • We learn these emotions early on in our development and for a good reason. I wanted my son to be afraid of running out into traffic when he was young. And you feel guilty when you say or do something that goes against who you want to be. 

    If we ignore these feelings and want happiness all the time, do you then notice the joy? Without unhappiness, happiness is unrecognizable. 

    However, these emotions don’t help us feel good. Because we would rather feel better, we bury or deny our feelings. Some lash out at others, and some withdraw into themselves. Rather than fighting or avoid them, you can learn to control negative emotions.

    Here’s the part where we want to skip a step. We want to jump into shifting our thoughts to produce better emotions. While this is important, we need to take a moment to sit with the emotion and understand what it is trying to tell us.

    It is helpful to think of these emotions as warning signals for you. 

    Just like traffic lights, flashing yellow lights tell you to slow down, review your surroundings, and then proceed. As you study your surroundings, you can understand what message your emotions are sending you.

  • Fear: Many times, fear tells us what we do not want to lose. When you examine fear, you likely discover your values, as well as the attachments you have in life.
  • Anger: When you’re angry, it’s because you feel that someone or something is a threat to yourself, someone, or something you love or value. What is it that you value, and what is the threat hidden in the emotion?
  • Guilt: This is a chance to discover more about yourself and what you want to be the “ideal” you. What actions or behaviors do you want to change to better fit with that version of yourself?
  • Sadness: Grief is a normal part of being human. It reminds us we’re vulnerable and keep things in perspective, providing a moment to recognize what is most important and how to appreciate life.

    • Sitting with negative emotions can be difficult. Asking yourself better questions is the key to understanding and appreciating (instead of judging) your feelings. 

    I find the following 3 steps and corresponding questions helpful:

    1.

    DESCRIBE the emotion.

  • What emotion is it (name it) ?
  • Where do I feel it in my body?
  • What does it feel like?
    • 2.

    DIRECT your internal dialogue with compassionate curiosity.

  • What is this trying to tell me?
  • What is making this hard?
  • How is this making me stronger?
  • What do I need to hear right now?
  • How much time do I need here?
    • 3.

    DECIDE what you are going to do next.

  • Recommit to the energy intentionally (stay there)
  • Move to something different (the next step of shifting your thoughts)

    • When we take the time to sit with our emotions, we learn what they are telling us and can then make appropriate adjustments in our thoughts or actions.

    This process can also show us how to manage so-called negative emotions. When we sit with fear and describe it, we discover the emotion does not control us. It cannot hurt you. We have power over our emotions, feeling them fully, and then responding in a meaningful way.

    We must be willing to embrace all emotions that come with life, including those we perceive as negative. Becoming aware of these emotions is an essential part of learning to respond deliberately, and not impulsively react in a way that sabotages our best efforts.

    If you have unprocessed emotional baggage, come check out my new program called the INNER CIRCLE.  I created it for YOU and I am so proud of the work our members are doing to take their life to the next level.

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