It's one of the most common concerns I hear from my clients: How can I be more self-confident? 

We tend to look up to those who exude confidence and wish we could get there someday. Women who seem to have it all together, know what to say and they say it, or appear to have the ability to do anything. What is it that separates 'us' from 'them?'  

The answer is simpler than you think. The answer is our THOUGHTS.  More specifically, it is our thoughts about ourself.  

Before we jump in, let's define confident versus self-confidence.

There are two key elements of that definition that I want to highlight. First, both confident and self-confidence are feelings. Second, the difference between the two is where we place our trust. 

Here's something you should also know about self-confident people - they have no problem admitting when they don't know, don't have the answer or when they fail.  Read that again.  For that reason, they get more done, take more action, and take more risks.  That is what makes them so appealing to onlookers.  

Another thing we should clear up - you are sadly mistaken if you think self-confident people don't feel afraid.  They do.  The difference is that they are willing to feel emotions like fear, disappointment, rejection, and failure without allowing it to be an excuse to fall short, give up or not start something new.

Self-confidence is all about trusting ourselves and is built on our thoughts. Not on our accomplishments. If you try to gain confidence from results, you will struggle. You have to develop self-confidence to achieve those accomplishments, which then creates competence.

So many times I've heard, I'll be more confident when…. 

When we rely on accomplishments to build self-confidence, we constantly move the bar and never reach a confident place. Instead, it's the other way around. With confident thoughts, we have trust in ourselves to achieve those accomplishments.

So how do we build self-confidence first? Because self-confidence is a feeling, it comes from our thoughts. When we manage our thoughts and direct our focus, we can create the self-confidence we need to take action.  Action increases competence, competence begets confidence.  It is a pretty simple formula, really.

Confidence is always going to come from your thoughts about your abilities. Knowing you can achieve your goals.  Increasing confidence comes from changing your thoughts about yourself.  

Let's change those original thoughts about feeling confident 'when'…

• I trust in my ability to learn new skills
• I trust I will give it my best and not give up
• I trust in my ability to get it done
• I trust my judgment
• I trust I will get it right, or I will learn

These thoughts create a more confident feeling. Even in situations of uncertainty, you can still be confident in your ability to respond. You can be confident in your ability to own mistakes and learn from them, as well as to acknowledge when you don't know something in order to grow.

When you reinforce trust in yourself, you create more and more confidence. It generates momentum, allowing you to gain self-confidence and get better results in your life. 

When we introduce doubt, we lose that trust in ourselves. So our daily habits must reinforce that belief in ourselves. Stay tuned for my next post about the confidence hacks to build trust in yourself.

If you are seeking some self-confidence and want help, come check out my new program called the INNER CIRCLE.  I created it for YOU and I am so proud of the work our members are doing to take their life to the next level.