Bound for Burnout?
Let's find out.
Hands up if you ever thought, ‘I’m doing more than I’m designed to do.’ I’m sure plenty of hands went up. For many of us, there is a growing deficit between how much you give and what you get in return.
Maybe you’ve said (or thought) some of these things:
- I thought I would be happy when [insert accomplishment/milestone]
- I’m a working mom, so I’m not supposed to have time for myself
- My [kids/spouse/boss/family/friends] are depending on me
- If I don’t do it, nobody else will
- Stress and ‘busy’ is the price of success
- I can handle it
If these thoughts sound familiar, you are likely continually over-extending yourself, or you’re struggling to keep the drama, doubt, conflict and overwhelm out of your life. Either way, you might be on the road to burn out. It’s a downward spiral filled with blame, victimhood and resentment.
Many of us are so focused on doing 'all the things' or acquiring ‘all the things’ that we've lost sight of who we are being along the way. We were taught that we could do anything and everything, SO WE DID. But this came at a price: exhaustion.
Burn out happens when we give more to something than what we receive in return. That deficit builds and creates high levels of stress and anxiety in our life. It’s a vicious cycle when we give, give, give and still cannot meet the growing demands of our time and attention. We commit to more than we can honor and then beat ourselves up later.
As much as we don’t like to admit it, there are limits. And those limits require us to make conscious choices.
What gets in the way of making these choices? DRAMA around responsibility.
Here are four signs you might need to rethink your relationship with responsibility:
Low sense of AUTONOMY and PERSONAL FREEDOM
The biggest contributor to not feeling a sense of autonomy is the “I should, I ought to, or I must” belief. When we accept these thoughts as true, it strips away our personal freedom of choice and produces an enormous amount of “obligation” energy. This belief, said differently, is you don’t have a choice in doing certain tasks. The result is we blame our circumstance and soldier through with bitterness, or we drop the blame and make excuses for why we participate.
Generally speaking, an underlying value or moral code drives this obligation belief. Neither of these feels “optional.” I’m here to tell you they ARE optional. Maybe you’ll choose to keep your thoughts, and maybe you won’t. The hope is that you challenge them and make a conscious choice.
Some examples of how this might be showing up for you include:
- I really should plan better, but ...
- I really should say no to a few things, but...
- We really can’t afford it, but...
- I know I should use some vacation time, but...
- I should take better care of myself, but...
- I should spend more time with my spouse, but...
The result of holding on to these thoughts could lead you right into burnout. These thoughts encourage us to sell out on our dreams, excuse away our roles in other areas of life (as a spouse, parent, etc.), and provide endless permission for not executing on opportunities for ourselves.
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Not sure how to measure or define SUCCESS
I have come to learn that I am not the only one who chased someone else’s definition of success. It is no wonder that no amount of accomplishment or things left me feeling satisfied.
I was hyper-focused on what I was doing with no real idea of whom I was becoming in the process.
As it turned out, the more I focused on doing, the less becomingI became. It was seemingly easy to allow the unconscious version of me to emerge, usually under stress. I fully underestimated my ability to choose whom I wanted to be.
When we aren’t clear on what success means to us, it promotes a focus on external things.
There is a common thought that more money, more things, and more education will shape or define how successful we have become. I’ve also found that when we run low on internal resources (sound mental, emotional, and spiritual energy), we tend to use external resources poorly. There is a thought that we can supplement poor mental and emotional health with “feel good” things and experiences.
In other words, we buffer with false pleasure. I can assure you that no amount of food, bubble baths, bottles of wine, shoe shopping, girls’ nights out or spa days will compensate for lack of harmony in our well-being.
Not taking AGENCY over your life
Taking on responsibility that is not necessarily ours to own can lead to giving our power away. This scenario is more evident when we also like to people-please or perfect things. If we have “too much to do,” and we sprinkle in the need to please others and do perfect work, it can leave us feeling powerless in a nanosecond. This might look like:
- Not taking action
- Accepting busy as a lifestyle
- Spinning in indecision and overwhelm
- Blaming people and situations
- Shaming ourselves for not doing (or being) enough
- Taking on too much from others, even praying on the irresponsible
It can even feel honorable to put ourselves in this situation. I assure you, there is no honor in living at the mercy of your circumstances. There is strength and courage in letting go of what isn’t yours. There is honor in taking agency over your life by owning the way you think, feel, act and all of the results in your life. There is honor in making happiness and well-being for yourself. I encourage you to try it.
Seeking to CONTROL the people and situation in your life
When we blame our circumstances for how we feel, it only makes sense that we would set out to control our circumstances as the means to feel better. What most of us insist on controlling is other people. We want them to be different than they are, or we want them to have better results in their life so we set out to save them, fix them and control them. Often our help is not solicited, but we don’t mind and offer regardless.
We do this mostly for our benefit but profess to be doing in the spirit of service and love. We think that being well-intended makes it okay and justifies our actions.
It is not okay. And it doesn’t work.
Taking responsibility for other people’s actions, words, ideas, thoughts, and results adds an unfair and unnecessary burden. These things aren’t yours to own. Fighting this fact only serves to drain your energy faster. It leaves you at a deficit and will likely produce unintended negative consequences.
It’s time to rethink responsibility and get off of the fast track to burnout. Want some help? Come check out the newest lesson in our content library of my INNER CIRCLE. Reconciling Responsibility is one of many 30 day programs in our online community.
